October 14, 2010 ~
Today is the day I became worth something. Today is the day, that every random and cruel road I had to travel makes sense. The past breaks and pains yield a purposeful path in which I must now walk, with pride and joy beyond an explanation of words. I now hold my head high and smile to random strangers. I am myself again. I take a huge breath upon waking each day and realize that nothing else matters, but this. I found my calling in life and knew it all along. I never believed in myself until now, in this moment of profound revelation. I deserve this. I desire this. I crave this. I want to be a pediatrician and nothing else. I look into the sunset and know that it will all be ok and I will forever be satisfied with this decision. No worries, no doubt, no regret, no looking back. This is the ultimate beauty of life: Find your way, your calling in life. For having a purpose is the ultimate goal. Without purpose you remain lost and barren. I'm simply radiant with revelation.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Hello Life
October 9, 2010 ~
Welcome Day 1 of the roller coaster called life. It seems that upon every rise and high point in life, there is a greater force than that of gravity there waiting to pull me down with utmost power. Today is the hardest that I have had to go through in two years. I became good at fighting to keep the door of hurt and pain locked. All of my training thus far has been proven to be worthless in holding me strong in the toughtest times. I want to go run to free my mind, but my feet are blistered from running as much as I have. So, I'm left here, alone, to suffer the hits and blows that the day holds ripe in its hands. I'm left to try to focus my breathing, my convulsions, and my tears. The bad part is that I have nothing to hold onto to pull myself out. No constant to keep my focus from spiraling. I'm left to ride the waves out of this storm without a life jacket, or even my arms and legs to fight the currents. Come on, "reason and logic."
All of my prayers and blessings I wished for you came true. But your humbled soul came out on the bad end, and is basking in what was left for your good soul to thrive on. Now, I'm afraid you will be gone forever and become the bad soul that took over. This hurts me more than all things I've been through so far. What's sad is that you could have been strong enough to fight this with the right people in your life. Unfortunately you pushed them away. When I used to think of you, you were life. Now, when I think of you... life is sad. Goodbye, sweet soul.
Hurry, Heart heal. Heal.
Welcome Day 1 of the roller coaster called life. It seems that upon every rise and high point in life, there is a greater force than that of gravity there waiting to pull me down with utmost power. Today is the hardest that I have had to go through in two years. I became good at fighting to keep the door of hurt and pain locked. All of my training thus far has been proven to be worthless in holding me strong in the toughtest times. I want to go run to free my mind, but my feet are blistered from running as much as I have. So, I'm left here, alone, to suffer the hits and blows that the day holds ripe in its hands. I'm left to try to focus my breathing, my convulsions, and my tears. The bad part is that I have nothing to hold onto to pull myself out. No constant to keep my focus from spiraling. I'm left to ride the waves out of this storm without a life jacket, or even my arms and legs to fight the currents. Come on, "reason and logic."
All of my prayers and blessings I wished for you came true. But your humbled soul came out on the bad end, and is basking in what was left for your good soul to thrive on. Now, I'm afraid you will be gone forever and become the bad soul that took over. This hurts me more than all things I've been through so far. What's sad is that you could have been strong enough to fight this with the right people in your life. Unfortunately you pushed them away. When I used to think of you, you were life. Now, when I think of you... life is sad. Goodbye, sweet soul.
Hurry, Heart heal. Heal.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Pivot Point
October 8, 2010 ~
One whiff of you is all it took. Now I'm fighting to swallow the lump in the back of my throat that your existence creates. Today was confirmation that all I once believed was true. I find myself dangling from many thin, invisible lines that are connected to you. I dream and wish for the day that I can walk up to you with severed lines and show you what I've become and what I represent, in hopes that you will be proud and perhaps understand all that I invisioned. The pain is trying to come unlocked, but I fight and hold onto the reality of today.
The beautiful part of today is that I get to "ask myself, 'Who do I wanna be?' I wanna be no one but ME." Life can be beautiful past the pain and I entend to eventually make it my purpose to represent that mere truth. If nothing else, but to prove you did not define or alter my existence the way I once thought you did, maybe to prove this to myself. What is a word without definition?... So it is with a person.
La beaute est la vie! And I hope to portray this in the following days of my life. Keep in mind that in order to fully embrace the joy, you must understand the depths of pain and hurt. So, I plan on a full roller coaster ride out of life with ups and downs. As painters use shaded colors to bring out the vibrant ones, so does life bring about the ugly to accentuate the things of resplendent experiences.
One whiff of you is all it took. Now I'm fighting to swallow the lump in the back of my throat that your existence creates. Today was confirmation that all I once believed was true. I find myself dangling from many thin, invisible lines that are connected to you. I dream and wish for the day that I can walk up to you with severed lines and show you what I've become and what I represent, in hopes that you will be proud and perhaps understand all that I invisioned. The pain is trying to come unlocked, but I fight and hold onto the reality of today.
The beautiful part of today is that I get to "ask myself, 'Who do I wanna be?' I wanna be no one but ME." Life can be beautiful past the pain and I entend to eventually make it my purpose to represent that mere truth. If nothing else, but to prove you did not define or alter my existence the way I once thought you did, maybe to prove this to myself. What is a word without definition?... So it is with a person.
La beaute est la vie! And I hope to portray this in the following days of my life. Keep in mind that in order to fully embrace the joy, you must understand the depths of pain and hurt. So, I plan on a full roller coaster ride out of life with ups and downs. As painters use shaded colors to bring out the vibrant ones, so does life bring about the ugly to accentuate the things of resplendent experiences.
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