Hindrance

June 16, 2009 ~

Where do I start with my shredded soul? You said living without being loved is a hindrance for our being. Well, did you plan to hinder me from all you created me to be? All you've put me through or allowed me to go through has infallibly caused such a great pain that ultimately clipped my wings of what life I'm capable of. Why create me if all you tend to do is let me be unloved especially by you? If there is love in your heart for me then you don't show it, you don't give it, you don't let it exist in human terms and conditions. You made me a human so I see and rationalize through a human mind and heart. You say that you love all your creation so much that you hinder yourself to show your love. What relationship is this that you don't even do that? You can for others, but not for Lauren. What have I done or not done to deserve this cold, dark existence? Is your kingdom being furthered through "Lauren's pain?" Good, I'm glad someone is enjoying the presence of, or absence thereof, my heart. I may be still in this room, but I can't even look at you right now. My head is rested against the window staring out at all existence entails. Staying in this room is a hindrance for me, for all I want to do is walk out and close the door. I've hindered myself to stay inside this enclosed room of pain with you in the other corner. You can't even hinder yourself to love me. I can't try anymore, I'm here but I am spent. I truly believe a one way relationship can not work. I've put forth mine, where's yours? Please don't try to tell me that this is a test to see how much I truly love you when all your love is taken away. That's mess! The same way MJS's every word was!